Zsofia Illes
Essay #2
02/10/09
Television Dramatically Effects Families
From the essay that we have read by Winn about the television being a plug in drug I found the idea being true and over exaggerated at the same time. She goes on to say how families don’t spend time together anymore because television takes away from family time. I think she is right and wrong in some ways.
Winn talks about families changing in many ways and television being the only time they actually spend together. I agree with the fact that families have changed over the last thirty to twenty years and family values are not what they were expected before. Each member of the family have their own things to do and that way they don’t have that much time left to be together then they did before when the moms weren’t working, only the dads and the kids were home schooled by their moms. Obviously families have come a long ways from that. In today’s society both mom and dad are working to provide a good living for the family. Until that time the kids are in school getting an education that will help them later on in their live.
After the family is done with their full day, they are so tired all they would want to do is sit in front of the television and relax, turn their brains off, and just stare at whatever is in front of them. That’s the part what I don’t agree with. I do think that even though families are tired from the day, having a nice dinner together, where everyone gets to talk about their day, what happened and why was that important. That would be so much more relaxing and more valuable than just sitting in front of the television and watching meaningless movies.
Some times that would be perfectly fine too, to sit and watch television. I think it is built in our society and many people think that it is absolutely necessary in a house hold. I think that’s wrong. Television should not be the only place where people get their information from. There are many reasons for that. One of them is because the media controls the news and you will only get the side of the story that is beneficial to their network or people who control the network, and also censorship. It doesn’t matter of the story is true or has a twist on it as long as it serves their idea they will deliver it to the public.
Another point that Winn brought up and I thought was very good, that even when families are home together but the parents just let the kids sit and watch television, the parents need to supervise what the children are watching. There are many television shows that you would think they are fine just looking at them, but if you actually sit down and watch them you would never let your child watch it again. Winn said that our children now days are more educated by the television then by their own parents. There are again many reasons for that, but it still doesn’t make it right……. To Be Continued!
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-Your thesis is "I think she is right and wrong in some ways." maybe you could put some of relevant things you wrote in your body paragraphs to your introduction,
ReplyDeletefor example you could put what things are right and wrong in your introduction
-Your body paragraphs are well organized and they have connection with your introduction, you also used examples.
-in what ways are you agree with the author?
-for your next paragraphs you could also say how society is loosing important values because of the tv or what can people do to change this bad habit
-you did a nice work, and I also think that most of the time television doesn't bring families together, but it destroys families' quality.
Zsofi,
ReplyDelete1. Thesis
First, the quality of your essay (start) is that there is enough information or substance for me to agree or disagree with. In other words, you have strong, concise statements throughout. Your best statements (in my opinion… which you should take with a grain of salt), are those where you divorce yourself from relying on Winn to make your point. I think, for example, that your sentence “Winn talks about families changing in many ways and television being the only time they actually spend together. “ would be stronger if you simply restate her point without citing Winn as the source. “It is clear that families are changing, and in many ways. Television appears to be the only time that families actually seem to be spending together.” In that way, I think that you can develop a really strong thesis statement. The strongest statement is the one where you just come right out and state, “Television Dramatically Effects Families”. I know that it’s the title, but, it would make a great thesis statement, and you could make the title something like, “The Effects of Television on Families.” Then we’ll wonder what those effects are, and you’ll come out early with your statement that there is a dramatic effect.
2. Citations and observations from personal experience.
You use good examples of Winn’s thinking. I think using her actual words may increase the impact. So when you say, “Another point that Winn brought up and I thought was very good…” You could put it in the MLA form; “Winn states, blah, blah, blah. (Winn, page 999). She makes an effective argument here because…”
3. Reasoning/critical thinking used to explain how the evidence supports/proves the thesis?
Your evidence is your personal experience. It seems pretty clear that you follow each of your statements up with solid reasoning to expand upon and support what you say.
4. Address counter-claims and effectively refute them?
Using Winn as a basis for things you agree with and don’t agree with, I see plenty of counter-claims that she has raised that you don’t agree with. And, in each instance, you address the reasons why you don’t agree with her statements.
5. Other evidence that you could cite?
Your two sources are Winn, and your own personal observations. When I did an Internet search on Winn, I found that there were people who disagreed with her. One man from a place called the Heritage Foundation thought that her ideas were complete bs. You might introduce one other source of info (either agreeing or disagreeing) to deepen your paper.
6. Counter-claims that still need to be addressed?
Your writing style is to address claims or counter claims immediately. I don’t see any holes with respect to unaddressed counter-claims.
7. Other feedback?
Your essay has a lot of material that could be made into paragraphs all on their own. Such as in your paragraph that begins with, “Sometimes that would be perfectly fine, too.” In the paragraph, you mention the negative effects of TV being a single source of information, as well as a way to just relax. Perhaps these ideas would be more clearly represented if each had their own paragraphs.
It’s a good essay, Zsofi. I like your writing style. I find it easy to read, and interesting.